12:02 on a friday morning and i’m still working but all i can think about is the weekend and the fact that i have to work more and also go buy a vacuum cleaner


have you ever looked at an authority figure in your life and thought “wow i respect a well-grilled hot dog more than i respect you”

we have a duckling starting on the project tomorrow and oh my gosh, babies fresh out of college with their incredibly formal emails are so adorable that i can almost ignore his somewhat less than stellar reading comprehension

current work status: commuting to irvine every day (either four hours round trip by car or three hours by train, in case you were wondering, and sometimes they announce the wrong train number and it takes four hours  to get home), babysitting a newly hired senior consultant who’s done exactly zero auditing in her life and shouldn’t be on this project and is trying very hard god bless but doesn’t understand a single fundamental aspect of what we’re doing, remotely babysitting the contractor-who-just-accepted-an-offer-with-the-firm recent accounting undergraduate as he tests 300 journal entries, for my last client, clearing comments from the director on my testing and his testing and another consultant’s testing from the manager on said client, and also building test plans for 122 controls that we also have to test in the next two weeks for the current client and fending off the stressed out deloitte manager

things i have done recently

  1. i did laundry on monday

things i have not done recently

  1. put away my laundry
  2. in case you didn’t notice, today is sunday
  3. i’m the worst adult

when i moved from nc most of my stuff got packed into storage and it was all very organized and last year i went through it trying to find some stuff, including my nice pint glasses and tumblers, and couldn’t find any of it because it was in my parents’ storage unit, and i don’t want to buy new ones to replace the nice ones that, let’s be real, my dad probably nicked them and is using them but

that means i’m sitting here drinking whiskey out of a coffee mug with a chicken on it

like a very immature caveman

s i g h

the rdp crashed and it was taking forever to fix so while i was waiting i went through and unfollowed like sixty blogs because wow there were a lot of dead blogs that i was still following

outlook has decided it’s really important that this fcrp debt compliance meeting DOES NOT HAPPEN and i’m going to throw my laptop through a window la la la

i’m already in the middle of three books, and my books wishlist on amazon just broke sixty

i want a month of vacation just so i can catch up on all of my reading :(

hello darkness, my old friend…. :( (at Scottdale Arizona)

hello darkness, my old friend…. :( (at Scottdale Arizona)

the senior on this project has decided that since i cough uncontrollably every time i laugh right now, and now that we know i can’t get anyone else sick, he’s gonna make me laugh as much as possible today because then it makes him laugh

he’s been making horse noises at random intervals for the last half hour

thank you, assistant controller, for finally responding to the six emails and four voicemails i’ve left you since friday with three questions you told me you would address last tuesday

thank you for your email response

in which you answered one of the three

which i had already gotten an answer to because it was also within the purview of the CAO and CIO and they answer their fucking emails

thank you for not answering the two that are directly related to your review on the p/l variance analysis and the insurance premium validation

thank you

i appreciate your work

wake up: six am.  respond to email from late last night west-coast time for client on california.

get to work: 8:15 am because the intern ordered a coffee drink that had at least 46 syllables in it.

lunch: 45 minutes

leave work: 7:45 pm

get back to hotel after team dinner with excessive alcohol: 9:30 pm

current time: 11:53 pm.  still responding to emails from california client about document request that was submitted july 15.  no, you cannot just send me an email saying that cases were received and expect that to be sufficient evidence for SOX standards, how the fuck are you qualified as the compliance officer for a multibillion dollar company you magnificent back of fuck, send me the fucking records or i will teleport back there and beat you with my gigantic binder full of meticulously tied out test papers so hold me god

working dinners

working dinners

I knew I hated Florida for a reason.

I knew I hated Florida for a reason.